


Enter the Shitpost

by ThatOneGreyGhost



Category: MCU, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucky stuff, I love these floofy dorks, Just soft Bucky, M/M, Softcore Idiots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:22:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27933019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatOneGreyGhost/pseuds/ThatOneGreyGhost
Summary: Inspired by a pin on Pinterest about Bucky having a blog but anonymously so everyone thinks he's shitposting. I really like that concept. Also I'm procrastinating for finals so fun!
Relationships: Stucky, maybe ironstrange?
Comments: 7
Kudos: 46





	Enter the Shitpost

**Author's Note:**

> Y'all are freaking amazing. I write these little blurbs, they literally will just pop into my head, and you like them. Like, a lot. So, thank you, and please, please, please, if you have questions or suggestions, let me know. I'm literally about to go on break so I will have a shit ton of free time on my hands.

~On March 14, BuckotheBarnes posted "I've never done this before. It's like writing a letter to a newspaper, but better".~

Bucky frowned at the screen as the notification popped up. 

"Peter." The petite brunet snapped his head up, humming. "What the fuck is this thing?"

"Oh, you got a like! Somebody liked your post!"

"Huh. Cool. Now I write?" Bucky gestured at the screen, the logo of the website glaring in the dimness of the room. He never understood why Peter insisted on having the lights so low.

"Ya, if you want." Peter flipped himself over, hanging upside down from the ceiling. "Or you can just do daily posts".

"Hm. What's a 'lol'?"

"Uh... It stands for 'laugh out loud'. Why?"

"People are laughing at me?"

"No, they think you're funny and relatable. Chill, dude".

Bucky smiles at the screen, looking at the sudden rise in attention his single comment has gotten. Apparently people agree with his sentiment.

"Cool." He grins.  
************************************************

~On March 17, BuckotheBarnes posted "I know none of you idiots will leave me alone, but for God's sake stop giving the brainless man-child magnets".~

"It's a shitpost." Clint laughs. "It's gotta be".

"Its talking about you. I know at least three people who would say that about you." Nat counters

"Three?" Steve looks up from the crossword. "I know automatically Fury and Tony, but who's the third person?"

"BARTON!" Bucky roars as he storms into the room. "I'M GOING TO END YOU!"

"Oops, bye." Clint laughs as he bolts from the room. Bucky glares after him, soaking wet and covered in magnets.

"Oh." Steve decides to go back to his crossword.  
*************************************************

~On March 18, BuckotheBarnes posted "What is wrong with bananas? I bit into a banana and it was just wrong. Why?"~

"It's a shitpost site by user BuckotheBarnes-" MJ laughs as she looks at the latest post. "It went live like three days ago- Ohmygod that's amazing".

"What?" Peter leans over and looks at her phone, laughing at the banana quote. "Ok, that's a good one. But it's not a shitpost site. I know the guy-"

"Don't tell me, you'll spoil the magic." MJ cackles at a new quote; "Oranges are so weird. It's like, 'hello, I am a sour fruit disguised as something tasty'. Why? Just look sour. Like lemons".

"I'm saving this." Peter says as Steve walks in.

Bucky can hear their laughter from three rooms away.  
******************************************************

~On March 19, BuckotheBarnes posted "Fuck this, I want to go to the year they invented the internet and pour all my money into those stocks. I'd be fucking loaded."~

"You?" Clint gasps as Bucky laughs at videos of kittens playing. He looks up just long enough to confirm Clint's reaction, then goes back to a stone cold poker face. With the exception of the kitten videos.

"I want a cat." Bucky says as Steve enters the room. Steve chuckles, then turns towards him. "Actually..."

Bucky immediately turns around, sees the carrier on the counter, and nearly tackles Steve as he kisses him.

"You are the best boyfriend ever".

"I know. Her name is Miette. I'm trusting you to take care of her".

"Hi, Miette." Bucky croons at the silk grey kitten. "Precious little fuzz bean".

"Oh my God, get a room." Clint groans, throwing his head backwards and hitting the edge of the couch. "Ow".

Steve laughs at him, but not as much as Nat does.  
*******************************************************

~On March 21, BuckotheBarnes posted "My friend told me to get a room. I didn't have the heart to tell him he was in my room. Poor guy always did get lost easily."~

Clint slams open the door, Sam wheezing behind him. He sticks his phone in Bucky's face, pushing it angrily.

"This. Means. War." He shoves the phone closer with every word.

Sam continues to wheeze in the doorway. Bucky is genuinely concerned for him, he looks like he can't breathe.

"You ok, Sam?" Bucky pushes Clint's phone out of the way, giggling at Clint's horrified expression.

"Heathen." He hisses before sauntering from the room.

"He's-He's convinced that this one shitpost blog on Tumblr belongs to you." Sam breaks down laughing, but Bucky just smirks.

"Who's to say it doesn't?"

Sam stops laughing real quick.

"Does it?"

"I don't know, man." Bucky shrugs, smiling a very fake smile. "Maybe. Maybe not".

Sam decides to help Clint get revenge.  
*********************************************

~On March 23, BuckotheBarnes posted "Step the fuck up, BirdBoys. I'm a fucking master assassin, you really think I can't tell a tripwire from a piece of string? and don't you dare try to ask my маленькая вдова for help, I'll know."~

"The fuck is a маленькая вдова?" Clint squints. "Did I even say that right?"

"It's Russian. It means 'little widow'." Nat glides into the room, grinning. "How'd you get on his bad side?"

"It's complicated." Sam hisses, rubbing his bruised eye with a pack of frozen peas.

"It can't be that complicated if he told you not to drag me into it".

"Your his... 'little widow'? Which, first off, what even, and second of all, Tasha, please, you gotta help".

"Nope. You got on his bad side, you deal with it." Nat sips from a cup of tea as she glides out of the room. "As for the nickname... He had more autonomy as a teacher. So they turned him into a weapon".

"That was him?" Clint shouts as Natasha leaves. Bucky dumps a cup of water on his head not two seconds later.  
*************************************************

~On March 26, BuckotheBarnes posted "Fuck yeah, I'm married to a boy. I'm gonna do it again, even, cuz it's legal now. Suck on that, buttlickers."~

"You want to what?" Steve turns, but Bucky' already on one knee, holding out the little box with the tiny shield and tiny sniper rifle charms.

"I want you to marry me. For real this time".

Steve doesn't say anything at first. Then, he starts giggling, pulling a small box out of his pocket, opening it to reveal dog tags with "James Buchanan Barnes-Rogers" engraved on one and "Steven Grant Rogers-Barnes" engraved on the other. Bucky stares, then dissolves into laughter himself.

He takes a picture of them wearing their dog tags, and their little charms; the shield for him, the rifle for Steve. They belong to each other now.

They make plans to go to a courthouse later that week, but Tony convinces them to put it off.

"You've waited all this time, have a proper wedding!"

Bucky can't really argue with that logic.  
**************************************************

~On March 29, BuckotheBarnes posted "Wwwh o put my ar m o n vibbb rate. ho w did yo u ev en do that?/? M ake it stop pleaaasssae."~

"Fuck you Clint." Bucky hisses at the smug archer. "I don't know how you managed that-"

"Tony, obviously." Clint interjects. Bucky scowls at him.

"Fuck you." He hisses as Miette jumps onto his shoulder before promptly scattering.

"Not me. I'm pretty sure you're fucking Rogers though".

Steve chokes on his drink, and Bucky is torn between maintaining his current mood or laughing at Steve, so a little half snicker slips out of his nose before he dies laughing.

Steve, obviously, doesn't find it very funny.

Clint and Bucky eventually declare truce, however, so he decides to let it slide.  
*****************************************************

~On March 31, BuckotheBarnes posted "I know I said I'd give my left arm for some coffee, but I'm a little more awake and I'd like my arm back now, SAMUEL."~

"No, man, we got a truce! Give his arm back!" Clint shouts at Sam, who is holding the assassin's arm over his head like a pool noodle.

"But I don't want to".

"Jebus, what are you, five? Gimme the arm".

"No. Come get it".

"I will knee you in the balls, you tall ass piece of shit".

"I could just kill him." Bucky sips his coffee as he walks in. "But I don't think Steve would like that. He likes Sam".

Clint gestures at Bucky. Sam just makes a face.

The day ends with Clint, Bucky, and Natasha declaring war on Sam.  
*******************************************************

~On April 1, 1:26 am, BuckotheBarnes posted "I think I'm having a panic attack, and my boyfriend isn't home. Help".

At 1:29, BuckotheBarnes posted "I'm serious. I don't know what to do and it's freaking me out and this blog thing is the only thing keeping me tethered right now".

At 1:35, BuckotheBarnes posted "I'm hearing voices, should I call someone?"

At 1:36, PeterStarker posted "I'm on my way. Sit tight, can't talk and swing at the same time. Just vent, it'll help".

At 1:38, TheRealM1che!!e posted, "You're gonna be ok. Panic is temporary. This is reality".

At 1:39, P!zzaDogLucky posted, "Are you good man? I can be there in like 15 minutes".

At 1:40, FalconIcarus posted, "We're on our way home, do I need to tell Steve?"

At 1:41, TheLittlestWidow posted, "James, where are you?"

At 1:42, IamIron posted, "Barnes, do not make me come downstairs for you".

At 1:43, IamIron posted, "Gdt, Barnes. I'm coming downstairs".

At 1:56, Capsicle posted, "Bucky?"

At 1:57, BuckotheBarnes posted, "I'm ok now. I think. But I'm deleting this blog. I never really liked it anyway".

At 2:00, P!zzaDogLucky archived the blog.

******************************************************  
One year later  
******************************************************

~On March 14, StevietheRogers posted, "In celebration of one year of shitposting, I just heard my husband call a hermit crab a 'stupid little sea bug with the stupid hands and it changes homes sometimes'. I swear I'm not making this shit up."~

*P!zzaDogLucky liked your post!*  
*TheLittlestWidow liked your post!*  
*PeterStarker liked your post!*  
*FalconIcarus liked your post!*  
*TheRealM1che!!e liked your post!*  
*IamIron liked your post!*

...

*BuckotheBarnes liked your post!*


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